i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
