you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
