I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize