i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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