I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
