a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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