so that wasnt chicken after all
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
