im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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