Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
