But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
