Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
