so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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