Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
