Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Houston, we have a blender
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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