MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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