All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
