remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
