my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
