I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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