At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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