omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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