I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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