His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
