Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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