Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
