turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
