worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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