And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my being single is dangerous.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
