he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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