Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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