So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
