There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
