Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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