For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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