well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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