it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
