i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
