U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
