i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
