Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
