Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
