we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
