sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
