What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As shirtless as possible
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
