You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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