She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
