I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
