he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
