I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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