Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
