her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think your dad took our porno
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
