SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
