i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
