there's paper in my vomit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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