i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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