I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize