But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
