too bad you live with your parents still
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you had me at cake vodka
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
