When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize