somebody snuck up and got me drunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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