Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
