you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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